Marking the Chapters of Our Lives

How do you mark the beginning or ending of a chapter in your life?

I’ve noticed a fascinating paradox about change. When a new year begins, we celebrate with massive displays of fireworks. Yet, just an hour later, life feels exactly the same as it did before the clock struck midnight. Because everything remains familiar, we often assume nothing has changed. What we fail to realise, however, is that a subtle shift has already begun within us.

The same applies to birthdays. You might throw a grand party, receive gifts, and listen to loved ones sing "Happy Birthday." That specific moment serves as an official marker that your life has progressed. Yet, moments later, you might not feel any different. Change rarely aligns with our grand expectations.

Take my own experience this week: I submitted the final assessment for an executive coaching course I’ve been pursuing this year. Deep down, I know my life and career are shifting. But it doesn’t feel that way right now, and it probably won’t for a while. It is only when I catch myself actively applying my new skills in real-time that I will truly recognise the transformation. Completing this course was a massive personal milestone. Now that it’s done, there are no internal fireworks. This quiet anti-climax is a phenomenon most of us experience when we finally reach a long-held goal.

I like to believe that whoever invented the concepts of celebrating birthdays or New Year's Eve noticed this exact problem. Without these rituals, life would feel like endless business as usual. We would drown in the anxiety that we are stagnant, when in reality, we are evolving—just not in the loud way we expect. I believe this same rationale drives the unconventional practice of throwing a celebration of life when a loved one passes or hosting a party when someone signs their divorce papers. We need anchors to mark the shift.

Recognising this, I know I must consciously celebrate my milestone. If I don't, I will continue to feel as though I haven't accomplished anything at all. This oversight traps us in an endless cycle of chasing the next achievement, with no finish line in sight.

As a coach, I always encourage my clients to celebrate their milestones, so they have a tangible reminder of their growth. Clients undergo profound transformations during a coaching journey. Often, these internal shifts are invisible to them, but as their coach, I see them clearly.

I am still exploring why this psychological blind spot exists. My theory is that we fail to see the change because we are actively living it, rather than observing it from a distance.

Therefore, part of my responsibility as a coach is to document these subtle transformations and bring them into your awareness. Doing so does more than just track your progress; it serves as a powerful testament to what your own willpower can achieve.

Reflecting on your own journey:

• What changes or goals have you accomplished recently but left uncelebrated?

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• What will you do differently from today onwards to mark your achievements?

About the Author 

Refilwe Maphanga is a value- and purpose-driven management consultant and executive coach. A chemical engineer by background, she brings over 10 years of experience in the mining and smelting industry to her leadership practice. She is the founder and director of Refilwe Maps Consulting, a leadership development and operational efficiency consulting practice dedicated to helping organisations and individuals transform their potential into performance.

To connect or collaborate with Refilwe, please email: info@refilwemapsconsulting.com